Why David Jones is scary!

One man's city trek turns ugly

Whilst a large multi-storey national retailer may seem like seventh heaven for some, our hero in he latest episode found the experience somewhat scary!

Our story begins with our hero (the aptly named Pierre) setting of on yet another epic adventure of great gravity and honour. It starts with the manly man-like quest of negotiating some of Australia's prime retail estate in the quest for.... *SPIFFY SHOES OF FATE* after conquering the Myers mensware, battling the Basement and ascending Aquilla, Pierre decides to goto the final frontier (David Jones).

Pierre had heard lots of things about David Jones, and decided to see what the fuss was all about! After steaming through the manchester section of Myers, our cunning hero has a flash of divine inspiration and decides to take the pedestrian overpass to David Jones.

Imagine Pierre's discomfort when on close observation the entire first floor is cosmetics!! Not one to be disheartened he strides on towards the lift and then on to the second floor. Harken! What is this? An entire floor of feminine female flowery fragrances!

Scratching his head in un-manlike fashion Pierre decides to go all the way to the forth floor, where he finds a plethora of female tops, underwear and other undesirable items. With matters going from bad to worse our hero performs a hasty about-face and ascends to the penultimate level of the complex.

Still seeing only members of the fairer sex Pierre noses around inconspicuously around the department, only to find it is full of womens jeans, and high heeled footwear

But alas! This is too much for our fair hero, his outlook changed, his countenance downcast, he heads for (or so he thinks) the nearest exit. With strains of The Great Escape in his ears he saunters to the elevator and suavely pushes the top floor key. Chewing an imaginary piece of tobacco the confident hero disembarks only to find that the only exit on the top floor is the fire exit, he decides to have a quick look around. The picture that confronted him was a deserted, ramshackle floor with old pallets and discarded marble busts with contrasting shade lighting. This floor had obviously not seen humankind for many moons!

So Pierre makes his exit! How you ask? well if you read this story from the end to the beginning, you can start to see how it goes. Resolving never to buy David Jones shares, or recommend it to any friend of the male gender.

At last! The exit! With a manner redolent of the wild west heroes of yore, Pierre wishes bon voyage to David Jones, and shaking the dust from his sandals leaves the building a shaken, moved, less confidant character then ever before.

The End